Another Year of Headache
I’ve had the worst flu for the past 10 days. Not only did it wreck me physically but for the first time in my life I feel what I believe is “depressed.” Maybe this is what it’s like to feel old. I’m still fatigued, have a lingering cough, and can’t do what I like to do with the same vigor. If this is a glimpse into old age I do not believe I will last long in my ‘golden years.’ I realize my frame of mind is due to this shit virus so we’ll keep on keeping on until we’re back in the saddle.
I’m going to write about my ongoing nightmare today, what I’ve since dubbed “The Allanschlacht,” a play on the “Kaiserschlacht” spring offensive from 1918. The Allanschlacht is the never-ending battle which has tied up all of my resources (financial, physical, emotional) for five, going on six years now. It’s been the worst grind and honestly? Most humans would not be able to endure the retardation and insanity that I have. This isn’t some sort of self soothing cope, I’m being matter of fact. I’ve been triangulated, had false allegations thrown against me, lied to, framed, prodded, entrapped, and provoked. You name it. I’ve sacrificed everything plus some. Why? Because my children needed me to. More on this later.
Evil Dead
I was sitting in front of the court, this is the third time now, giving my testimony of the past two years’ events. There isn’t a noise in the court room except the guffawing, sneering, and scoffing from the animated corpse that was my mother in law. Why she wasn’t kicked out is beyond me but I believe the judge assigned this case may have been in a diabetic coma. I had to give testimony to my (then six year old) son who after visiting his mom came into my room to tell me his mother’s boyfriend had hit him. My six year old is special needs so I went to his older brother and he confirmed that things were going on behind closed doors. I’m not going into details but both my children were being traumatized with my youngest being terrorized enough to “scream like a little girl.” I had to give testimony to the fact the school contacted me over things my children had told them and filed CPS reports. I had to give testimony that my son’s psychiatrist filed a CPS report over what he told her. All of this while evil dead sneered, scoffed, and shook her head like I had made it all up.
I looked back at her with dead emotion but almost busted out laughing. This evil bitch, who hated me from day one, looked just like the “deadites” from the movie Evil Dead. I’m almost amazed she wasn’t threatening to swallow my soul and banging on shit screaming “dead by dawn! dead by dawn!” Imagine a lifelong smoker, with fake teeth, thin white hair, and skin stretched over her bones like an unfinished taxidermy project. She may very well be the most miserable person I’ve ever encountered. She is not a smart person which is what has made dealing with her so insufferable. She’s made my life a living hell, destroyed my marriage, and now she’s coming for my children. However, it’s too late. My oldest son gave her the cold shoulder in front of everyone at the courthouse. Why? “Because she says mean things about you Daddy.” Evil never dies but it also never pays.
A History
I had a revelation while sitting there. My ex-wife wouldn’t even make eye contact and it dawned on me I’m not here because of her, I’m here because of her mother. The one person who has domineered, lived vicariously through, guilted, and ultimately destroyed my ex-wife. You either get with evil dead’s program or you’re out. I made the mistake of running my own program.
Me and my ex-wife started dating when I was around twenty one. We did really love each other and were compatible in a lot of ways. I remember being shocked when I met her mother.. how could someone so beautiful come from someone so fucking ugly? I always maintained a respect with her but my first impressions (a house full of cat hair and nicotine, she chained smoked at the kitchen table) were not good. She came off as a know-it-all despite her minimum wage job, lack of career, lack of anything. “Whatever though, she’s a parent, not a partner” I thought. Boy was I wrong.
Evil dead ran her daughter’s life. Every little bit of it, bank accounts, financial decisions, etc. And ran it bad. Her daughter wasn’t just her daughter but an extension of herself, her best friend, her muse as it were. She put her in child pageants, cheer, and more. I really feel like my ex wife wasn’t allowed to have an opinion growing up so she ended up developing fucked up, can’t make a decision for herself type thing. When I came along? Despite my good nature and all, I was an instant threat. From day one that mother hated my guts because she couldn’t control Allan. I had my own plans, my own ambitions, and they didn’t involve Evil Dead. My family? Was treated exactly the same. Everyone liked my ex wife though, despite her retarded mother. A good example was her mother’s crying fit after my ex wife removed her from her bank account. We were getting married! From the day I married my wife forward Evil Dead did everything in her power to destroy whatever good came of our relationship.. including not letting me get to the hospital to be there while my second son was born. Unfortunatley this grind? It worked. After 6 years my ex eventually acquiesced. Not before using me and everyone in my family, not being honest about her intentions or anything. She went back to evil dead and soon found a suitable “partner.” Later I found out about all the triangulation that had been going on, my marriage being irrecovably broken, I was being stabbed in the back and bled the whole time. I had no idea nor did I have any idea about how bad I was doing myself because of what I was being put through. I fully rehabbed a house, rented it, to find all the rent money was taken, things like that. Everything was my fault, still is, my fault. If it rained it’s because Allan willed it because I’m evil or some retarded shit, I’ve no idea. I can’t think like these people but needless to say this is how bad it became. in short: My ex wife was torn between herself and her mom but she found it too much, too hard to be an adult. She admitted as much. It’s insane. It was easier to do as she’s always known and let her mother run her life. The best times in our relationship were when that mother wasn’t in her ear droning. I could always tell when she was because my ex’s mood would be shit and everything perceived as a provocation, or whatever actions I took were nefarious. This became the narrative. Not gonna lie, it sucked. I don’t recommend it.
No life
Evil dead would work a 9-5 then would sit home and cry while chain smoking. She would call my wife in Florida and sit on the phone with her for hours. Her husband ignored her, would be out doing karaoke and word on the street was he “liked them young.” He had a girlfriend he played karaoke with and openly flaunted his relationship infront of Evil Dead. It was wild. Soon Evil Dead’s husband started cross dressing, my ex wife commenting: “he walks in heels better than me.” Guy was a fucking clown. Whole family is a clownshow and both kids are fucked up looking at it from the outside. I think you see why my ex-wife became the vessel for evil dead to live through.
Normally, it wouldn’t matter. Life goes on, but in my case? The black cloud of this family has never left. Why? Because of my children.
Your new daddy!
My ex wife shacked up with a “gay” man and her gay best friend (female.) I was assured this guy was okay, whatever. He was married to a dude but despite that, it turns out he wasn’t so gay after all. Our first shake up was over my son kissing me down my neck freaking me the fuck out. He was 4 and I had asked him.. Who has done this to you? He named ex wife’s boyfriend. I probably should have murdered this guy, he’s earned it, but if I’m in jail who’s raising my children? It’s the worst catch-22. We went to court over this, of course, the kids were too young to determine the validity of their claim. blah blah. I know though. She shoved this clown (who her mother raved over) down my kid’s throats and unsurprisingly they weren’t fans. They began to hate him, why? Because he was mean, especially when she wasn’t around. This guy fits the mold too.. alcoholic bar fly, a total pussy, and still very gay, if word on the street means anything. Not long after this I went in through my ex wife’s car door and confronted him, he wouldn’t look at me. I told him in plain words “I’ll break your fucking hands off and beat you to death with them if I find out you’re touching my children.” I stuck my finger right in his face and he wouldn’t even look at me. He just cowered and started to shake. My reputation from when I was younger most certainly presented itself to him before I did.
The second time we ended up in court (my kids were alleging he was hitting them yet again but this is not why we ended up there) went nowhere because my ex-girlfriend had made shit up that was easily disprovable. Evil dead was frothing at the mouth to use it and destroy me, my ex-wife even admitted as much. She always claimed to be the voice of reason but I know that not to be true because in that system she has no voice. Not long after this the boys came to live with me full time. Their mother agreed because of yet another incident that took place at her household. Mind you, she would acknowledge then later lie about these things.. ultimately this last visit to the courts accusing me of coaching my children, despite what therapists, the school counselor, and everyone else had informed her of. That’s the new narrative now. Not that mommy’s favorite is a chomo butthole. Both children (who are now older than 8) have been very straightforward in their telling of this guy’s character but would you believe the courts will still not listen? Even over therapists, doctors, the schools. It’s a god awful situation to be stuck in.
That brought us to the 3rd time which was the latest one. The kids didn’t want to go back, and i wasn’t forcing it. A pendete lite order was written that they were to not be around the boyfriend. This led to their mother just falling off the face of the earth, no calls, no birthdays, no christmas until the few weeks before the latest court date.
The pain
All together I’m over $150,000 in defending myself in court. I’ve been stuck with thousands in medical bills, you name it. It’ll be another year of my life grinding to pay this off. Another year of no sailboat, another year of playing the game, another year of dealing with the black clouds of my past.
The silver lining
We spent the money on a best interest attorney this time. He’s helped my children immensely but still wants to give their mother a chance. I’m one of the very few dads who have full custody of their children and I credit the attorney for this, not mine, theirs, to be clear. I don’t know what they expected? My kids have been with me, their mother MIA, and she wants to move them into a horrible Baltimore neighborhood with ghetto schools and have me come get them every other weekend? That’s the level of retardation we’re at. The best interest attorney murdered my wife in court for it. Evil dead could be heard in the back saying “oh my god” while making faces and scoffing at his line of questioning. Afterwards when the latest judgement was made I turned to see the surreal scene of my ex wife’s boyfriend crying and being consoled by evil dead. Why? They announced I’d receive child support (+arrears) after being the sole caretaker for 3 years.
All the bullshit aside, the most important thing? My sons are happy. We live well despite the circumstances. I think that’s what matters the most. Evil dead’s terror has limits and hopefully, life will deliver justice to her and the scumbag she’s protected over her grandchildren. I hope that my ex-wife can find the help she needs, maybe once evil dead is gone she’ll find peace with herself. Her relationship with her children is broken and I cannot fathom that. This is because she has the inability to put her foot down to say “enough” and be accountable for what’s happened. It’s too much, like it always was. She’s surrounded by toxic people to boot. I know there is still a good person in there despite all of the evil and retarded shit she’s done to me. I’ll never forgive her, but I can hope that she’ll figure it out for my sons. However, I won’t hold my breath.
Outside looking in
I sometimes selfishly wish my children were already grown because of how difficult their mom has made it. I try to focus on the good but the expenses, the stress, it all takes a toll. I’ve not been able to live at all, I’ve no life to call my own. I don’t complain about this (I chose to fuck my wife and have children with her) but psychologically I don’t believe this is healthy long term.
I still don’t know how I’m going to deal with the boyfriend. My kids won’t ever be around him again but I need to manage the sleight without destroying my own life. They say living well is the best revenge but my anger, and the fact I can’t address it without compromising my boys, is always at a constant fever pitch. He’s too much of a coward to own what he’s done as well. He won’t look at me in my face, not even in that courtroom. I read this as shame.
Evil dead will die eventually. My ex wife will die. I will die. Nobody will care except my boys. I know they won’t forget The Allanschlacht. I hope they vet their spouse better than I did. I also hope they are as relentless and determined in protecting their families as I have done for them. It’s tough, but if this is the sacrifice my family required of me on my watch? Then so be it. I hope I acquit myself with approval from those who came before me and set the example for those after. I just ask that these clouds move on. I need some sun.